Archive for the ‘Cheating’ Category
Extramarital Affair FAQ
On any given day, thousands of people around the world are involved in an extramarital affair. In fact, may find that right now your own relationship is in the midst of an affair. Or, maybe one of you is considering having an affair.
To the person who is having an affair or considering one, the idea of an affair can at first sound like an exciting alternative to business as usual in what has become an uneventful marriage. After all, the opportunity to be with someone totally new and exciting can be hard to pass up, especially if you are not happy with your current relationship.
To answer some common questions about affairs, here is an extramarital affair FAQ:
Q1: Is it illegal to have an affair if you are married?
A: In most parts of the Western world, you cannot actually go to jail or be fined for cheating on your spouse. Still, having an affair can have serious legal and personal consequences for you. For example, in many places, having had an affair that leads to a divorce can lead to a greatly-reduced set of rights for the one who did the cheating. In other words: if you cheat, you do not have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to the lawyers fighting it out to see who gets which possessions. Bottom line is, by being caught cheating you give up many of your legal rights in the event of a divorce.
Q2: Is it safe to have an affair?
A: Having an affair can generally be a safe thing – if you do not get caught and if you practice safe sex, that is. However, if you do not practice safe sex or if you get caught cheating, your affair can be anything but safe. By having an affair you are definitely opening yourself up to some serious risks. These risks include: the spreading of sexual diseases to yourself or your spouse, facing the rage of a jealous lover (think “Fatal Attraction”) or dealing with the wrath of a jilted spouse. Of course, being caught cheating can also lead to divorce, which can result in loss of the companionship of your spouse, the loss of many of your material possessions, and even loss of the right to live with your children. Ouch – not sounding so safe now, is it?
Q3: How do I stop my affair?
A: If you are currently having an affair, you need to start by deciding what it is you really want out of life. Do you want your spouse, your lover, or neither? After all, your affair may be thrilling at times. Or, maybe for you, just thinking about what you are doing to your spouse is tearing you apart inside. Either way, you know that you cannot sustain your affair forever. The sooner you face facts and decide what your next move should be, the better off everyone involved will be.
Q4: What do I do if my spouse is having an affair?
A: Sooner or later, you will need to confront your spouse about the affair. But, before you do that, think hard about how you want things to end up. Do you want to stay with your spouse or call it quits? Decide which way you want things to go before you bring up the affair. Another tip: when you confront your spouse, bring with you some irrefutable evidence you have found that proves the affair. Otherwise, if you merely accuse them of having an affair without proof, they will likely try to deny it, which of course will be adding insult to injury for both of you.
Q5: How can I keep myself or my spouse from having an affair?
A: If your spouse has a wandering eye or if you think they have their sights set on having an affair with someone else, the best remedy is to make yourself the center of their world again. You need to basically insert yourself in there so there is no space for anyone else. Do this in an assertive but loving way. Also, be tactful: if your spouse pulls back at the sign of your wanting to spend more time with them, it could be a sign that they are not happy in the relationship.
If either you or your spouse is currently involved in an affair or is considering one, it obviously means that your relationship is in trouble. While an affair might appear to be a convenient short-term solution to your problems, the smartest bet is to find ways to mend your marriage and get back into a loving relationship again.
Even after an affair, you can fix your relationship if you know what you are doing. Get advice from relationship experts who have helped thousands of other couples rekindle their marriages at: www.in-your-arms-again.com.
Infidelity in Relationships: What to Do if in the Case of an Affair
If your relationship has recently suffered an infidelity, either by you or your spouse/partner, you are currently facing a lot of questions – and likely also a lot of pain. That’s because, whether you are the cheater or the one being cheated on, infidelity in relationships is a sign that the relationship is facing some serious problems.
One day soon, both you and your partner will have to face the issues in your relationship. It is not healthy or advisable to continue an affair for a prolonged period of time. Here is what to do in the case of an affair in your relationship:
1. Before you confront your spouse or partner, get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings first:
If either you or your partner are having an affair, this fact undoubtedly will have a strong affect on how you view your whole relationship. An affair is a sign that there is something very serious going on underneath the surface of things. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are going to need to start the healing process by focusing intently on what it is you are personally going through. If you are the one being unfaithful, you are likely going through some guilt about what you are doing. If you are the one being cheated on, you are probably feeling a lot of anger and resentment, or even sadness. Either way, the first step out of this mess is to come to honest terms with yourself: ask your heart what you really feel and then listen intently to the response.
2. Decide how “deep” you are into it:
Next, do a little bit of fact finding. Determine how long the affair has been going on. Has there been more than one affair? How serious are the feelings for the other lover? Besides the affair, what other parts of your lives are you and your spouse lying to each other about? Finally, rate your situation in terms of how bad things are: with 1 being “we can get through this with a little bit of effort” and 10 being “our relationship is past the point of no return.”
3. Decide how much you want to fix your relationship:
Now that you have really come to terms with where things are, it is time to ask yourself what you are going to do about it. Is your relationship worth saving? Do you still have the love for your partner or spouse that you had when things were at their best – and before the affair started? You need to face the hard questions about where you next steps will lead. This will basically boil down to two choices: toward a wonderful, loving and trusting reunion with your partner or toward a breakup. Even though you are confused right now about what to do, the faster you can determine where things are going the easier your next steps will be to take.
4. Have a heart-to-heart with your partner:
It is time now to have “the talk” with your partner or spouse. Unless you fear that they will become violent or suicidal upon mention of the affair (in which case you should seek professional help first), it is ultimately to everyone’s benefit that you confront him or her directly about the situation. Only by opening up to each other can you really bring the truth to light and get on with healing your hearts.
5. Commit to improving your relationship:
If you do choose to move toward reconciliation with your partner or spouse (see #3), you need to commit at a deep level to improving your relationship. This will mean taking the steps to make things right again. Educate yourself on the techniques, tips and tools that can help you take all of the right steps back toward love.
Infidelity in relationships can be enough to kill the love and trust that the members of a couple feel for each other. Do both of you a favor and make every effort possible to make things better again.
Even after infidelity, you can fix your relationship. Check out this advice from relationship experts who have helped thousands of others regain their past love at: www.in-your-arms-again.com.
When to Leave a Cheating Spouse: 5 Signs
Spouses who cheat can leave a wake of pain and emotional destruction behind them. Being cheated on can feel terrible, and when it happens in a marriage it can feel even worse. And when you are cheated on, it brings up a lot of questions about your future. For example: what should you do about the situation? Should you confront your spouse about it? Should you leave him or her?
These are common questions for people in your situation. If you are sure that your spouse is cheating on you, I have put together some guidelines to help you figure out what to do next. Here are 5 signs for when to leave a cheating spouse:
1. They make no effort to hide their cheating
If your spouse knows that you know something serious is going on behind your back but does nothing to correct their ways, this is a clear sign that your spouse at some level does not respect you enough. In fact, if your spouse barely works at trying to cover his or her tracks concerning their cheating, it is time for you to immediately start making plans to exit your marriage. Whether your spouse is trying to give you some sort of twisted signal that they are dissatisfied or whether they just have no respect for your feelings or dignity, either way it is time to say bye-bye to the marriage.
2. They have cheated on you with more than one other person
It may be that your spouse has recently come to you to admit that they have been cheating. Or, maybe you have caught them with another lover, directly or through evidence you have found. Either way, you are now likely trying to consider your options. Here is one thing that should sway you in the direction of a divorce: if you find out that your spouse has cheated on you with more than one other person. In other words, if this is the second, third or more time they have been caught cheating, you have a chronic situation going on that is not likely to mend itself, no matter how sorry your spouse may seem to be acting right now.
3. You find out they have cheated on every person they have been with
Similar to #2 above, if you found out that your spouse is a “cheating repeat offender” with most or all of the other people they have been with, that is a sign that you need to take serious steps toward ending your relationship. People who continue to cheat on those who trust them the most have serious issues that will not likely be fixed through one or two sessions of counseling.
4. You find out they were not having safe sex
Spouses who cheat should at least have the presence of mind and caring for their husband or wife that they wear protection or make their other lover wear protection when they are with another person. After all, with the many diseases prevalent in the world today, wearing protection can mean the difference between life and death. If your spouse has skipped this minimal courtesy, you should consider ending the relationship.
5. They show no remorse when caught
If you caught your spouse cheating, directly or indirectly, they should have immediately begun apologizing profusely to you and tried to make it up to you in any way they could. If they did not, you should take it as a sign that they are basically asking for you to let them go or leave them. Or, at the very least, it is a sign that your relationship is in a very unhealthy place.
On the other hand, if you have found out that your spouse has been cheating on you lately but they have not committed any of the violations to your dignity mentioned above, it may be worth giving them a second chance. In the end, only you know the right answer. If you do decide to try to repair your relationship, be sure to arm yourself with the knowledge you need in order to be successful.
Broken hearts and relationships can be mended. Check out this advice from relationship gurus who have helped thousands of others regain their past love at: www.in-your-arms-again.com